I've been so lazy these days ...

I think I've been slacking at home too much that's why. *He asked me out last Thursday, I was surprised of course, as we did not contact each other for quite some time, and he contacted me. But still I met up with him. I was kinda excited and nervous at the same time. I dress myself up a little(I've been doing that since the break-up) went to meet him, we went to town.

We went to Taka, he went to find his friends and I feel kinda awkward 'cause I think his friends all know about our break-up already and now they saw us together? So yeah, I hide in a corner ... *haha* ... We went to buy some bread and sat at the fountain there and enjoy the bread.

Then we proceed to Cineleisure. As usual, we went Kobayashi and had ya, the usual stuff. After that he went to play lan game. Later, it startd to rain ... Damn! I was getting bored so we went off ... But still, we are stuck at Cineleisure 'cause it was raining very heavily. We have to wait for the rain to stop, or at least much less heavy then we can go home.

Finally, the heavy rain have become less heavy and I quickly made my way to the bus stop, there's lightning and thunder ... scared the shit outta me man! Luckily the bus came when I reach the bus stop.

He did not ask for a patch or whatever ... and we did not contact each other after that day.

Until yesterday, he called me. We chatted for awhile.

Today, he called me again ...

Frankly speaking, I still love him and miss him ... Duh! After all we've been together for 3yrs 11mths ...

Anyway, Lia's having house warming on Nov 12. I have no idea what to buy for her ... 'Cause I have never, in my life, attend house warming before. Even if I did attend before, it is not up to me to buy presents 'cause it's probably my relatives' but this time is different, it is my best friend's house warming. I plan to buy Winnie the Pooh stuff for her 'cause she loves Pooh, but where and what to buy? Can't possibly buy soft toys or those bo liao stuffs right? *Sigh* I plan to buy, as usual, clothes again for Gal Gal ... That's the only thing I can think of ... Hate to buy presents 'cause I really have no idea what to buy ... What if they don't like it? I rather give them money and ask them to buy whatever they want or go shopping together, they choose I pay. But I can't give Lia ang bao 'cause I'm not married yet.

Think I'll go shop for Lia and Gal's presents on Wednesday? with SY ... She will confirm with me on Tuesday ... that's tomorrow ...

Oh! Almost forgot ...

Tricks or Treats?

Happy Halloween!

*Haha*
I WANT THIS GUY!!!

The guy who will text you every single morning and tell you good morning and every single night to tell you sweet dreams.

The guy who will text you and tell you "I love you and you make me smile" just because it's true.

The guy who will blindfold you and take you to the beach, let you run your toes through the sand and then make you guess where we are.

The guy who will show up at your games (or competitions or meets) without you knowing just to surprise you.

The guy who will hold you when you are crying and wipe away your tears.

The guy who still thinks that you're beautiful even without makeup but instead, in sweat and a big t-shirt.

The guy who won't pressure you to do things you don't want to.

The guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren't feeling well.

The guy who kisses you on the forehead.

The guy who doesn't kiss and tell.

The guy who actually listens to you when you talk.

The guy who's excited all day because i'm looking forward to our date that night.

The guy who is contented to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more.

The guy who can't help but smile when you walkinto the room.

The guy whos perfectly happy with staying in and watching movies and cuddling.

The guy who won't lie to you about where he's going or where he's been or who he's been with.

The guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name.

The guy who picks you over his friends.

The guy who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you.

The guy that isn't afraid to tell you he loves you.

The guy who isn't always trying to act like a hard ass around you.

The guy that will tell you how he feels.

The guy who doesn't care about your imperfections and loves you more for them.

The guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset.

THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THEHAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!

I want this kind of guy~~~~~

Went Bugis today with HL and Sy ... I bought a top, eye shadow and Maybeline XXL mascara.

Then, went to Raffles Place Cafe Cartel to have our dinner, I couldn't eat and I only ate half a piece of cake ... I still miss him ...

After that, we waited for HL and SY's friend to join us then we head off to Dbl O ... I'm trying to get him off my mind but can't ... Damn it ...

Saw Kenny at Dbl O, and he asked me why am I getting thinner and I told him I just fell outta love, he gave me a very shock face ... *lol* ... He said he was still going to asked me when am I getting married ... -_-" He asked me not to jump down from the building ... lame ...

Feeling so heartbroken ... haiz ... I'm like, still waiting?

I'm tired after all the dancing and went home at 2 plus?
I'm having a rough time now ... I have to learn to move on life without *him ... But I still don't understand why he is so cruel? so heartless? After all we've been through, he gave me up just like that ... He ended it just like that, believe or not?

I know it will take a very very very long time for me to forget him, I will try to let go now but deep down inside my heart I still hope that we can still be together again. I still miss him ... there are memories of us everywhere on the streets, wherever I go memories of us just keep flashing back in my mind, I told myself to forget it but it's hard. I'm a human too, he needs love and understanding but so do I. Why can't he just understand how I feels?

To Met and Monz: Don't feel bad, I know it's hard for both of you too. What happen to me had already happened, reality is always so hurtful. Thanks to all my friends and my family who are here supporting me. I really appreciate it.

Although he is not with me anymore, protecting me, for me to rely on ... I still have to try to stand up on my own. Since leaving me was his decision, I cannot do anything but to respect his decision and to see him leaving me with someone else with my own eyes. It really hurts but i really cannot do anything to it. I might be at faults too, but it's not only my fault ... why can't he just understand? Can't he understand my insecurities? Always don't want to listen.

When things happened, he told me not to cry, I really want to shout at him saying how I fucking wished I could cry ... the blow is so hard for me that I couldn't even forced a single teardrop out. I really wish I could fucking cry my heart out. He is tearing my heart into million pieces it hurts alot and I cannot even cry but to feel the pain. Every word he said to me, every sentences were like a knife stabbed in my heart. But does he know how hurt I am? I'm hurting more than him. He told me he does not want me to suffer with him for so long ... don't know it is the truth or not ... just leaving me all alone living in hell to suffer. Damn it!

Everybody can feel the pain in me ... My mummy, sis, cousin and Met cried for me because they knew I'm hurting inside but I can't vent it out. I couldn't cry ... My chest feels so tight that I wanted to take a hammer and smash it, my heart hurts so much so that I wanted to dig it out. Everyone was so worried for me. Damn!

Guys are jerks! All promises they made are just empty promises! They can make you so happy till you can fly and suddenly drop you down with a loud 'BLAM', it really hurts.

Time will heal all wounds, but there will be deep scars left in my heart. No matter how hurt I'm feeling, I still have to put up a brave front. Monz was right, I was the one who keep complaining hungry all the time, but I couldn't eat nor drink, I really have no appetite.

I hope I can find my Mr Right soon, who will always be there for me, who loves me more than I love him, someone I can rely on. I hope after this failed relationship, there won't be another one, it's so hard for me to take the blow.

If he wants to come back to me, I'll be the most happy person, most willing to accept him. I can forgive him but I will never forget. I will change for the better! Yes, I WiLL!This is a promise I've made and I'm gonna make that happen! I'm not waiting for him intentionally, but let nature take its course. If he was meant to be mine, he will be mine eventually. Fate had let me meet him, but I guess our fate stops here.

I believe that, God gave me something good and take it back from me, God will give me something even better. Time will tell although it's very hard to let go now.

I sound contradicting, part of me is trying to let go, part of me still wants to be with him ... It is driving me crazy!

Today is a very sad day for me ... It marks the end of our relationship ... Our 3yr 11th months relationship.

It's hard for me to take it but I have to face the facts, I have to be strong, I have to be independent ... Although it is very hard for me now but I will try to stand up once again ... I have to face the facts that he will no longer be by my side protecting me anymore. He will not call me 'Baobei' anymore. He will be there for me anymore.

I will not do anything foolish, I have promised him. It hurts but I can't do anything, love cannot be forced. He is seeing someone now. So there are no chance that we will be together again, but deep down inside my heart, I hope we will patch back someday ...

God had given me something good, but take it back from me again ... Actually, I really love him but he is so heartless to me now. But I cannot blame him as it was all my fault, my fault for not trusting him, for being too sentitive and always accuse him for things he never done.

I HATE MYELF!!!

Will we ever be together again? will we? Will the day ever come? I will be waiting ...
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION?
The following are the most common symptoms of depression. If you experience 5 or more of these symptoms for 2 weeks or longer, you are probably depressed.

• Persistent sadness or feeling down or gloomy
• A loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, such as socializing with friends and family, most of the day, nearly every day.
• Loss of appetite and loss of weight.
• Insomnia. For some people, on the contrary, they find that they are sleeping more than normal.
• Feeling restless and agitated more easily.
• Feeling tired and having little energy.
• Unable to concentrate and think clearly and thereby becoming indecisive.
• Feeling of worthlessness and guilt.
• Recurrent thoughts of death.

Damn! I have ALL of the symptoms ... means I am depressed!

Things are not going my way, always ... My life is so tiring. My life ... These are not I want my life to be. I want my life to be filled with happiness, I want someone to shower me with love and care, but will it ever happen? Tired of living already. Yes I know, still to young but I am so unhappy and it is already a torture. Think I will go crazy one day. Don't be surprise if one day I vanish from the world. No lah ... but really tired if living.

Why can't my life be a happy and peaceful one? I want freedom.

I want to be happy.

When you were 1 year old,she fed you and bathed you. You thanked her by crying all night long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you towalk. You thanked her by running away when she called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons. You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!"

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice-cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a singleletter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the door so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."

When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to belikeyou."

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment. You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future. You thanked her by glaring and growling,"Muuhh-ther,please!"

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby. You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."

When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative's birthday. You thanked her by saying you were "really busy rightnow."

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.

Hmm ... Mother Love.
I accompanied *him to have his lunch after school. I meet him at Blk 8 bus stop and went back together.

He ate but I never 'cause sis had pack food for me. After he had his lunch, we went back to my house, he surfed the net for tattoo pictures, etc ... while I ate my lunch, rest, bathe, etc then getting ready to go out. While waiting for him to finish surfing the net, I fell asleep on the sofa. After he was done with it, woke me up and we proceed to town. Shop around, then went to Cineleisure to have our 'lunch' again.

Then, he went to play lan game! He's crazy about those battlefield game recently, he loves anything about WARS. I was watching him play till I wanna fell asleep already, it's not because the game was boring or what but I was simply too tired.

We went home early 'cause too tired, I went over to his house and both of us fell asleep while watching tv.



I went out with HL and SY today at town, finally get to meet up. Lia wasn't able to meet us 'cause she had classes today. Well, we went to The Mushroom Pot to have our dinner. Hey! It's not so bad actually, quite yummy esp for those who loves mushroom. It was not what I expected to be, the whole full of mushrooms ONLY. We ordered steamboat type, with seafood and chicken, fried mushroom and drunken chicken ... Of course there's veggies too ... just like normal steamboat ... Nice. I love the damn soup!

After we had our fill, went to shop around and those temporary stalls outside Taka. I wanted to buy earrings but none of it caught my eyes ... so yeah, did not buy anything. We sat down at the stone chair and chat, been so damn bloody long since we last did that.

But only for a short while 'cause SY wants to go home, her mum waiting for her to watch tape ... *haha* ...

My mood was ok until I reached home. My bloody idiot sister get me on my nerves! While I was changing in our bedroom, she wanted to study inside the room. She was in the studyroom when I get home and wanted to use our bedroom when I was changing half-way. Damn it! And I got nagged by Mummy! Because it was exam time now so yeah! I got 'scolded' 'cause she wanted to use the bedroom to study!

Since she was in the studyroom, why can't she wait?! She jolly well knew that I will take some time to change and she still dare to rush me! Hell! Don't know she did it on purpose or what. I got really fed up 'cause Mum was nagging away and also got irritated by that sister of mine. Damn!

So, I rushed out of the room and argued and saw Daddy laughing secretly ... what the hell? But I woudn't care less and took a shower and logged on.

Going to ITE Simei tomorrow, most probably. There's career fair.

Oh! The Hong Kong trip was cancelled. Sad!

End of my rantings.

Laters!
Went to watch Project Superstar concert yesterday. Uncle Beng 'last minute' handed me 4 tickets, 2 are for sis and Rachel and the other 2 are for *Bi and me.

Both of them went first while Bi and I went later. Both of us were late due to sleeping, I went over to his place after meeting Met in school(to sign the appeal letter 'cause were barred for all subjects but no lesson!). So yeah, were late and have to take a cab to Singapore Expo, The MAX Pavillion. We managed to reached there on time.

The concert was not too bad, Shi Xin Huey and Weilian both had duet with their younger sisters. Shi Xin Huey's sister was pretty, yes! far more prettier than SXH. And the guest appearance was Jeff Wang, we were like 'Huh?' but we were suprised by his singing ... actually not bad you know.

The whole concert last for about 3 hour plus? Sat throughout the whole concert and my butt hurts. Oh! forgot to mention Xie Weicong and Derrick, as most of you knew, they were botak! *Haha* ...

We leaved the concert at 1130 hours while Kelly and SXH were singing 'yi shi de mei hao', in order to catch the last train ... But ... there was no train already! Oh my god! So we had to take a cab home, but the queue was damn bloody LOOONNNGGG! only god knows how long. And we had to go outside to hail cab.

When we reached home, went to 7-11 and bought cup noodles ... everybody was damn hungry ... *Haha*

Few weeks ago, HL asked me if I'm interested to join her for a trip to Hong Kong(not by tour). I'm fucking interested! But heard that expenses at HK ain't cheap, so yeah, have to consider. I told my parents about it after receiving the sms, both of them did not say anything, they never say they don't allow me to go ... so there are chances of me going to HK but problem is they are going this month, I think and exams are coming(when is it?) plus no holiday for this month. Have to check it out first then confirm.

Anyway, my parents will have the final say ... They are my 'sponsors' after all ...

I've been so lazy these days ...

I think I've been slacking at home too much that's why. *He asked me out last Thursday, I was surprised of course, as we did not contact each other for quite some time, and he contacted me. But still I met up with him. I was kinda excited and nervous at the same time. I dress myself up a little(I've been doing that since the break-up) went to meet him, we went to town.

We went to Taka, he went to find his friends and I feel kinda awkward 'cause I think his friends all know about our break-up already and now they saw us together? So yeah, I hide in a corner ... *haha* ... We went to buy some bread and sat at the fountain there and enjoy the bread.

Then we proceed to Cineleisure. As usual, we went Kobayashi and had ya, the usual stuff. After that he went to play lan game. Later, it startd to rain ... Damn! I was getting bored so we went off ... But still, we are stuck at Cineleisure 'cause it was raining very heavily. We have to wait for the rain to stop, or at least much less heavy then we can go home.

Finally, the heavy rain have become less heavy and I quickly made my way to the bus stop, there's lightning and thunder ... scared the shit outta me man! Luckily the bus came when I reach the bus stop.

He did not ask for a patch or whatever ... and we did not contact each other after that day.

Until yesterday, he called me. We chatted for awhile.

Today, he called me again ...

Frankly speaking, I still love him and miss him ... Duh! After all we've been together for 3yrs 11mths ...

Anyway, Lia's having house warming on Nov 12. I have no idea what to buy for her ... 'Cause I have never, in my life, attend house warming before. Even if I did attend before, it is not up to me to buy presents 'cause it's probably my relatives' but this time is different, it is my best friend's house warming. I plan to buy Winnie the Pooh stuff for her 'cause she loves Pooh, but where and what to buy? Can't possibly buy soft toys or those bo liao stuffs right? *Sigh* I plan to buy, as usual, clothes again for Gal Gal ... That's the only thing I can think of ... Hate to buy presents 'cause I really have no idea what to buy ... What if they don't like it? I rather give them money and ask them to buy whatever they want or go shopping together, they choose I pay. But I can't give Lia ang bao 'cause I'm not married yet.

Think I'll go shop for Lia and Gal's presents on Wednesday? with SY ... She will confirm with me on Tuesday ... that's tomorrow ...

Oh! Almost forgot ...

Tricks or Treats?

Happy Halloween!

*Haha*
I WANT THIS GUY!!!

The guy who will text you every single morning and tell you good morning and every single night to tell you sweet dreams.

The guy who will text you and tell you "I love you and you make me smile" just because it's true.

The guy who will blindfold you and take you to the beach, let you run your toes through the sand and then make you guess where we are.

The guy who will show up at your games (or competitions or meets) without you knowing just to surprise you.

The guy who will hold you when you are crying and wipe away your tears.

The guy who still thinks that you're beautiful even without makeup but instead, in sweat and a big t-shirt.

The guy who won't pressure you to do things you don't want to.

The guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren't feeling well.

The guy who kisses you on the forehead.

The guy who doesn't kiss and tell.

The guy who actually listens to you when you talk.

The guy who's excited all day because i'm looking forward to our date that night.

The guy who is contented to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more.

The guy who can't help but smile when you walkinto the room.

The guy whos perfectly happy with staying in and watching movies and cuddling.

The guy who won't lie to you about where he's going or where he's been or who he's been with.

The guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name.

The guy who picks you over his friends.

The guy who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you.

The guy that isn't afraid to tell you he loves you.

The guy who isn't always trying to act like a hard ass around you.

The guy that will tell you how he feels.

The guy who doesn't care about your imperfections and loves you more for them.

The guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset.

THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THEHAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD!

I want this kind of guy~~~~~

Went Bugis today with HL and Sy ... I bought a top, eye shadow and Maybeline XXL mascara.

Then, went to Raffles Place Cafe Cartel to have our dinner, I couldn't eat and I only ate half a piece of cake ... I still miss him ...

After that, we waited for HL and SY's friend to join us then we head off to Dbl O ... I'm trying to get him off my mind but can't ... Damn it ...

Saw Kenny at Dbl O, and he asked me why am I getting thinner and I told him I just fell outta love, he gave me a very shock face ... *lol* ... He said he was still going to asked me when am I getting married ... -_-" He asked me not to jump down from the building ... lame ...

Feeling so heartbroken ... haiz ... I'm like, still waiting?

I'm tired after all the dancing and went home at 2 plus?
I'm having a rough time now ... I have to learn to move on life without *him ... But I still don't understand why he is so cruel? so heartless? After all we've been through, he gave me up just like that ... He ended it just like that, believe or not?

I know it will take a very very very long time for me to forget him, I will try to let go now but deep down inside my heart I still hope that we can still be together again. I still miss him ... there are memories of us everywhere on the streets, wherever I go memories of us just keep flashing back in my mind, I told myself to forget it but it's hard. I'm a human too, he needs love and understanding but so do I. Why can't he just understand how I feels?

To Met and Monz: Don't feel bad, I know it's hard for both of you too. What happen to me had already happened, reality is always so hurtful. Thanks to all my friends and my family who are here supporting me. I really appreciate it.

Although he is not with me anymore, protecting me, for me to rely on ... I still have to try to stand up on my own. Since leaving me was his decision, I cannot do anything but to respect his decision and to see him leaving me with someone else with my own eyes. It really hurts but i really cannot do anything to it. I might be at faults too, but it's not only my fault ... why can't he just understand? Can't he understand my insecurities? Always don't want to listen.

When things happened, he told me not to cry, I really want to shout at him saying how I fucking wished I could cry ... the blow is so hard for me that I couldn't even forced a single teardrop out. I really wish I could fucking cry my heart out. He is tearing my heart into million pieces it hurts alot and I cannot even cry but to feel the pain. Every word he said to me, every sentences were like a knife stabbed in my heart. But does he know how hurt I am? I'm hurting more than him. He told me he does not want me to suffer with him for so long ... don't know it is the truth or not ... just leaving me all alone living in hell to suffer. Damn it!

Everybody can feel the pain in me ... My mummy, sis, cousin and Met cried for me because they knew I'm hurting inside but I can't vent it out. I couldn't cry ... My chest feels so tight that I wanted to take a hammer and smash it, my heart hurts so much so that I wanted to dig it out. Everyone was so worried for me. Damn!

Guys are jerks! All promises they made are just empty promises! They can make you so happy till you can fly and suddenly drop you down with a loud 'BLAM', it really hurts.

Time will heal all wounds, but there will be deep scars left in my heart. No matter how hurt I'm feeling, I still have to put up a brave front. Monz was right, I was the one who keep complaining hungry all the time, but I couldn't eat nor drink, I really have no appetite.

I hope I can find my Mr Right soon, who will always be there for me, who loves me more than I love him, someone I can rely on. I hope after this failed relationship, there won't be another one, it's so hard for me to take the blow.

If he wants to come back to me, I'll be the most happy person, most willing to accept him. I can forgive him but I will never forget. I will change for the better! Yes, I WiLL!This is a promise I've made and I'm gonna make that happen! I'm not waiting for him intentionally, but let nature take its course. If he was meant to be mine, he will be mine eventually. Fate had let me meet him, but I guess our fate stops here.

I believe that, God gave me something good and take it back from me, God will give me something even better. Time will tell although it's very hard to let go now.

I sound contradicting, part of me is trying to let go, part of me still wants to be with him ... It is driving me crazy!

Today is a very sad day for me ... It marks the end of our relationship ... Our 3yr 11th months relationship.

It's hard for me to take it but I have to face the facts, I have to be strong, I have to be independent ... Although it is very hard for me now but I will try to stand up once again ... I have to face the facts that he will no longer be by my side protecting me anymore. He will not call me 'Baobei' anymore. He will be there for me anymore.

I will not do anything foolish, I have promised him. It hurts but I can't do anything, love cannot be forced. He is seeing someone now. So there are no chance that we will be together again, but deep down inside my heart, I hope we will patch back someday ...

God had given me something good, but take it back from me again ... Actually, I really love him but he is so heartless to me now. But I cannot blame him as it was all my fault, my fault for not trusting him, for being too sentitive and always accuse him for things he never done.

I HATE MYELF!!!

Will we ever be together again? will we? Will the day ever come? I will be waiting ...
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION?
The following are the most common symptoms of depression. If you experience 5 or more of these symptoms for 2 weeks or longer, you are probably depressed.

• Persistent sadness or feeling down or gloomy
• A loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed, such as socializing with friends and family, most of the day, nearly every day.
• Loss of appetite and loss of weight.
• Insomnia. For some people, on the contrary, they find that they are sleeping more than normal.
• Feeling restless and agitated more easily.
• Feeling tired and having little energy.
• Unable to concentrate and think clearly and thereby becoming indecisive.
• Feeling of worthlessness and guilt.
• Recurrent thoughts of death.

Damn! I have ALL of the symptoms ... means I am depressed!

Things are not going my way, always ... My life is so tiring. My life ... These are not I want my life to be. I want my life to be filled with happiness, I want someone to shower me with love and care, but will it ever happen? Tired of living already. Yes I know, still to young but I am so unhappy and it is already a torture. Think I will go crazy one day. Don't be surprise if one day I vanish from the world. No lah ... but really tired if living.

Why can't my life be a happy and peaceful one? I want freedom.

I want to be happy.

When you were 1 year old,she fed you and bathed you. You thanked her by crying all night long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you towalk. You thanked her by running away when she called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons. You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!"

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice-cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a singleletter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus, carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the door so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone. You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."

When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future. You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to belikeyou."

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation. You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment. You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future. You thanked her by glaring and growling,"Muuhh-ther,please!"

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby. You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."

When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative's birthday. You thanked her by saying you were "really busy rightnow."

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART.

Hmm ... Mother Love.
I accompanied *him to have his lunch after school. I meet him at Blk 8 bus stop and went back together.

He ate but I never 'cause sis had pack food for me. After he had his lunch, we went back to my house, he surfed the net for tattoo pictures, etc ... while I ate my lunch, rest, bathe, etc then getting ready to go out. While waiting for him to finish surfing the net, I fell asleep on the sofa. After he was done with it, woke me up and we proceed to town. Shop around, then went to Cineleisure to have our 'lunch' again.

Then, he went to play lan game! He's crazy about those battlefield game recently, he loves anything about WARS. I was watching him play till I wanna fell asleep already, it's not because the game was boring or what but I was simply too tired.

We went home early 'cause too tired, I went over to his house and both of us fell asleep while watching tv.



I went out with HL and SY today at town, finally get to meet up. Lia wasn't able to meet us 'cause she had classes today. Well, we went to The Mushroom Pot to have our dinner. Hey! It's not so bad actually, quite yummy esp for those who loves mushroom. It was not what I expected to be, the whole full of mushrooms ONLY. We ordered steamboat type, with seafood and chicken, fried mushroom and drunken chicken ... Of course there's veggies too ... just like normal steamboat ... Nice. I love the damn soup!

After we had our fill, went to shop around and those temporary stalls outside Taka. I wanted to buy earrings but none of it caught my eyes ... so yeah, did not buy anything. We sat down at the stone chair and chat, been so damn bloody long since we last did that.

But only for a short while 'cause SY wants to go home, her mum waiting for her to watch tape ... *haha* ...

My mood was ok until I reached home. My bloody idiot sister get me on my nerves! While I was changing in our bedroom, she wanted to study inside the room. She was in the studyroom when I get home and wanted to use our bedroom when I was changing half-way. Damn it! And I got nagged by Mummy! Because it was exam time now so yeah! I got 'scolded' 'cause she wanted to use the bedroom to study!

Since she was in the studyroom, why can't she wait?! She jolly well knew that I will take some time to change and she still dare to rush me! Hell! Don't know she did it on purpose or what. I got really fed up 'cause Mum was nagging away and also got irritated by that sister of mine. Damn!

So, I rushed out of the room and argued and saw Daddy laughing secretly ... what the hell? But I woudn't care less and took a shower and logged on.

Going to ITE Simei tomorrow, most probably. There's career fair.

Oh! The Hong Kong trip was cancelled. Sad!

End of my rantings.

Laters!
Went to watch Project Superstar concert yesterday. Uncle Beng 'last minute' handed me 4 tickets, 2 are for sis and Rachel and the other 2 are for *Bi and me.

Both of them went first while Bi and I went later. Both of us were late due to sleeping, I went over to his place after meeting Met in school(to sign the appeal letter 'cause were barred for all subjects but no lesson!). So yeah, were late and have to take a cab to Singapore Expo, The MAX Pavillion. We managed to reached there on time.

The concert was not too bad, Shi Xin Huey and Weilian both had duet with their younger sisters. Shi Xin Huey's sister was pretty, yes! far more prettier than SXH. And the guest appearance was Jeff Wang, we were like 'Huh?' but we were suprised by his singing ... actually not bad you know.

The whole concert last for about 3 hour plus? Sat throughout the whole concert and my butt hurts. Oh! forgot to mention Xie Weicong and Derrick, as most of you knew, they were botak! *Haha* ...

We leaved the concert at 1130 hours while Kelly and SXH were singing 'yi shi de mei hao', in order to catch the last train ... But ... there was no train already! Oh my god! So we had to take a cab home, but the queue was damn bloody LOOONNNGGG! only god knows how long. And we had to go outside to hail cab.

When we reached home, went to 7-11 and bought cup noodles ... everybody was damn hungry ... *Haha*

Few weeks ago, HL asked me if I'm interested to join her for a trip to Hong Kong(not by tour). I'm fucking interested! But heard that expenses at HK ain't cheap, so yeah, have to consider. I told my parents about it after receiving the sms, both of them did not say anything, they never say they don't allow me to go ... so there are chances of me going to HK but problem is they are going this month, I think and exams are coming(when is it?) plus no holiday for this month. Have to check it out first then confirm.

Anyway, my parents will have the final say ... They are my 'sponsors' after all ...

With soft gray eyes she gloomed and glowered;
With soft red lips she sang a song:
What knight might gaze upon her face,
Nor fare along?


For all her looks were full of spells,
And all her words, of sorcery;
And in some way they seemed to say,
"Oh, come with me! oh, come with me!
Oh, come with me, my love, Sir Kay!"--


How should he know the witch, I trow,
Morgan La Fey?


-- Cawein, Madison J. (1865-1914), "Morgan La Fey"

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